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Tuesday, September 15, 2009

“扑嗵,扑嗵。”

我的心跳随着时间的流逝,越跳越快。脸上的汗珠不停的流下,怎么抹也抹不掉。

十分钟前,我还在医院门口刚下了车正护送我的太太进医院。几名护士见到了我的情形于是便迅速的把她安抚在架床上,然后把她送往位于医院内部的接生间。我稳稳的握紧了她温温的小手,眼睛凝视着她的双眼,不断地让她在精神和心理上觉得安稳。但一下子想也没想到,我就被护士们停留在接生间的出口,要我在外面等待着。我的心彷乱不停地不安。我脑海中不断的重复着不详的画面,如果母子俩有事的话,我该怎么办?从前就听说接生对母子的负担极大,无论科技在怎么发达,都还是有一定的危险性。等呀等着,时间都好像过得特别慢,也特别痛苦。我同时害怕着未来,也期待着未来,十分矛盾。这种等待是我人生中,最痛苦的十分钟。

十分钟后,接生间的大门往外开来了。出来的是一名皮肤较白,身高较矮,衣衫整洁的护士抱着一个被白绒绒的毛巾团绕着的婴儿。很快的,那位护士的眼神就对到我的。她走过来问到:

“请问您是刚刚被送来的那位孕妇的丈夫吗?”

她见我没摇头也没回应,只见我那渴望又畏惧未来的眼神。我并不是没有礼貌,也不是不想回应她,只是我当时害怕得不知道说什么才好,就好像有一种如果我乱说话,我太太和我孩子的安全就会被夺走的感觉。她想了想,今天一整天就只有十分钟前的孕妇被送往接生间,外面也只有这个怪里怪气的男人不知道在等什么,就算不是这孩子的爸,也是孩子的妈的亲友吧。。。她于是就确定的接着说:

“孩子很健康,是个女生。”

她慢慢的把手中的孩子递给我,脸上还不忘了那白衣天使的笑容回应着我的喜讯。我也不忘了微微的笑了,然后把目光转移到我这辈子的第一个女儿。手中的孩子不知道为什么,如此的沉重,好像暗示着未来我身为男人,丈夫的责任上,又添加了多一个《爸爸》的头衔。

我看着她那还没张开眼睛的咪咪眼,不禁感到十分的触感。以前听过有夫妻这生因为缺乏生育能力,无论如何都没有办法生下属于自己的孩子。而现在,正属于我和我太太的宝贵结晶就抱在我的手里,我感到十分欣慰和感动。自己也不知不觉地落下了好久没有流下的一滴眼泪。我很确定那不是汗珠,因为当我接过孩子时,走廊上的空调又启动了,让我全身发冷。

那滴眼泪不小心的落到了孩子的脸颊。一瞬间身为人父的我,不禁轻声说道:

“唉呀,不好意思了,爸爸的眼泪掉到你的脸上了。”

当我试图把眼泪从她的脸上擦去时,她的双眼慢慢的眨了眨眼皮,很快的,她就开眼了。旁边与我分享喜讯的护士便说道:

“哇,这孩子还没出生过多久就开眼了,以后肯定是个有前途的人!”

我不知道那位护士是要讨好我还是要拍我马屁,但的确,出生没多久就开眼的孩子并不多,而他们的脑部发育的确比一般人要好,是有前途的象征。

但在这当时,我的眼泪已经忍无可忍了。我越是忍,眼泪就越是想流下来。我望着她闪烁的小眼睛,便爽痛地嚎啕大哭起来。但我哭是有另外一个原因的。

我看到她的眼睛时,我想起了我和我太太结婚时的画面。我的岳父当时虽然面相十分慷慨,欢喜地迎接自己女儿的婚礼,但眼神却是十分怜惜,是一种依依不舍的感觉。当我从他的手中接过太太的手,我能感觉他舍不得把女儿嫁掉,但又不能让她孤伶伶的感觉,十分矛盾。养育多年的积蓄,就要落入别人的手中,多么不甘心啊!我此时此刻觉悟到,我现在抱着的女儿,也会在将来,经过我多年的培养与教育,也会有一天嫁出去,好痛苦啊!

我的眼泪一直流着,一直嚎啕地呐喊着,多么痛苦的爱。

那名护士看到了也不知所措,不断地拍着我的肩膀,加以鼓励。相必像我这样的例子,她是见多了吧。

我手中的孩子也用着“不知道是怎么回事”的眼神,看着自己爸爸难看的哭相。

“孩子就叫做。。。”

Prisoners of Fate:The Eleventh Wound 3:39 am

THE.ALCHEMIST



Massengel K. Doyle
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